Zombie FSB

Ok this blog is officially DEAD!

This was a crappy experimental first blog for school. Now that the class is done, I'm done.

The funny thing is, blogging got kinda fun for a little bit there. So, with the death of this blog comes the birth of a new one.

ZOMBIE FSB!

This blog is going to be a million times better. No criteria and no schedule. I can post whatever the hell I want, whenever the hell I want.

So check it out.

Zombie Haiku

I'm alive again.
Why do I crave human brains?
Hi man with shotgun.


Now that I have your attention, the class in which this blog was assigned is nearing it's close. As of Dec. 14th I will be liberated from the "for this assignment you are required to write 3 blog posts a week" format.

Being an incredibly lazy person, this lack of structure will cause post to either become much less frequent, or end all together. Just in case of the latter, I would like to mourn the death of Funk Sheet Beach. "NOOOOOOOOO".

Ok. The mourning is over. Possibly, like a pheonix or a zombie, Funk Sheet Beach will rise from the dead and reek havoc once again.

And now for something entertaining. My roomate got a girlfriend. To put an image in your head, imagine the most socially awkward person you can think of, cover him in acne, and make him vaguely creepy, and you have him. The funny thing is, his GF is really hot. So she has been coming over every night to make out with him for hours on end with the lights off. By the time she's over, I'm already blitzed out of my skull, so I just sit at my computer, put on headphones and play Half Life 2 or FEAR.

His romantic style is rather ripe for parody, however. For example, I hear the obvious noises of people making out, but then my roomate stops and starts to recite the quadratic formula in a faux seductive voice. At this point, I had to chime in. "Um... sorry to ruin the mood, but... did you just say the quadratic formula while making out?"

Captain Awesome and The Awesome Squad

I originally wanted to make a blog where I would tell funny stories, but it quickly turned into me just wining like a little bitch. Because I hate that and it isn't interesting to read, I have decided to completely switch focus to fictional stories and rants. Enjoy the new Funk Sheet Beach.

I just had this great idea for a comic/cartoon. and I had to write it down before I forgot. It's basically a super hero comic, except that all the heroes are ridiculous. Well... you'll see for yourself.

Teapot-Bee Man: A college student that, during a drinking game, punched himself so hard in the head that his fist fused to his skull. The doctors were unable to remove it, so a mad biology professor made his other hand a spout and filled him with bees (because it made sense at the time). So he became Teapot-Bee Man with the power to pur bees on people!

Captain Monocle Face: A former Monopoly spokesman who slipped on that tiny little metal shoe piece and fell into a fat of acid. When he emerged his head had become a giant monocle. He had become Captain Monocle Face with the power to put his monocle head in front of the enemy and it's the wrong perscription so it makes everything really blurry and they get a headache after a while.

Lady Zooclaw: A puppeteer preforming for metal patients, when a barrel of toxic waste fell from a hot air balloon and hit her on the head. The concussion gave her the ability to get the powers of the animal finger puppets on her hand. The strength of a moose, the speed of a cheetah, the flight of a bird, the poop of a monkey, and the bamboo diet of a panda.

And Ducto De Aluminio: A stereotypical Mexican immigrant who was working on some pipes when an alien came and shot him with a Super Ray. The ray reacted with the pipes and the mui caliente taco sauce in his veins and he became the pipe armed, burrito shooting hero, Ducto De Aluminio!

And together they form... Captain Awesome and The Awesome Squad, a super hero team the likes of which has never been seen!

So their first mission is they have to stop a bank robbery and let's just say "Too bad that none of their powers involved surviving a shotgun blast to the face. That would have been very useful at the moment". So they die, but it's ok, because they come back as zombies!

Long live... or unlive... Captain Awesome Zombie and The Awesome Zomble Squad!